Pugs. Because you can’t own E.T.
They say children are a gift from god. I’m totally wide-open to regifting.
Neighbors having their yearly Xmas party. Not invited again. So don’t tell me the screaming drunken outdoor fights don’t pay off.
Listen lady, you have 2 options. Either make your baby stop eyeballing me, or she & I can go outside to settle this.
It’s a serious Lego project when the 1st thing my 5yo does is take off his shirt and gets me a beer from the fridge.
My kids are giving all the people on this plane a hard lesson in birth control right now.
Considering “natural” childbirth?
You wouldn’t have a tooth pulled without painkillers, right? This is an 8lb tooth. From your crotch.
My 8yo’s looking for a summer job. He’s a pretty decent bartender if anyone’s hiring.