@ninjadinosaur1

Ive been so busy photoshopping memories for my daughter. Now she can remember the time we went to the running of the bulls in Spain.

@ninjadinosaur1

If my dog doesn’t like you, then I don’t like you. Unless you’re hot, then the dog can go in the crate for a couple hours.

@ninjadinosaur1

I figured out how to eat rice cakes. You have to frost them and then dip them into marshmallow fluff. Diet food isn’t so bad.

@ninjadinosaur1

If I had a twin, whenever someone asked which one of us was older, I’d tell them that we both came out at the exact same time.

@ninjadinosaur1

I’m pretty sure there isn’t a single Australian animal that wouldn’t look good in a top hat.

@ninjadinosaur1

The priest said that the demon really wants to leave, but I’m way too clingy, so the exorcism didn’t work.

@ninjadinosaur1

Basically, our plans for the satanic ritual fell through, because we couldn’t agree on whose turn it was to get the goat.

@ninjadinosaur1

My neighbour said I’m not allowed to feed the baby raccoons living in their shed. I wonder if they’d prefer left over chicken to sandwiches

@ninjadinosaur1

There is no law stating that you have to explain why you’re carrying a purse full of hair when going through security.

@ninjadinosaur1

He thinks the stuffed animals in my room are creepy, but I can’t think of a cuter way to hide all those cameras.