If you try and fight South Park they will just turn around and do another episode about you. 😬
Me – Okay well, put me down for bringing the flowers to the office party
Cw – oh no you don’t! We know you steal them from the cemetery
What do you mean I can’t get a refund on this broken lamp?
Ma’am you bought it from my yard sale a year ago! *slams door*
*Struts like a peacock*
I’ll have you know I made it through the meeting without falling asleep
Cw – it was 10 minutes long!
Me – my record, Write it down mister party pooper
I’m not doing ANYTHING until he asks nicely
My son – not this again
This dudes dogs 😁battle cry
You could do like my granny does when she loses a pet. Sticks it in the freezer.
I almost thawed out poppy the parrot once thinking it was chocolate mint ice cream
Tired of people spying on me while I pretend to work
Wow I ordered too much food.
Here, you can have half of it.
*5 minutes later*
Okay I’m gonna need that back
Follow me for more recipes
Not sure to be insulted or not, but I cleared out a room of coworkers just by announcing
“I have a plan, trust me”
If I’m gonna pay $300 for a name brand purse it better come with a mini fridge, steaks, and a new tv
It’s awkward standing in line at the store and the 5 year old behind me is wearing the same light up sketchers
*Tries to start the wave at a funeral
Eats one hamburger- I’m full
Eats 10 tacos – I’m still hungry
You shouldn’t sneak up on me like that, it’s rude!
So ! Technically it’s YOUR fault I was speeding, because I didn’t see you
How to woo a woman