*notices battery is at 4%*
*goes into airplane mode*
*turns down brightness*
*exits all apps*
*prays to jesus and compliments his sandals*
“I think that kid’s a robot”
“Look at his mouth”
Relax they’re just braces
*backs away slowly*
“That’s exactly what a robot would say”
[first day in prison]
Hey new fish what you in for?
“Killed 4 people during a game of Mario Party”
*everyone backs away slowly*
Cigarettes only give you cancer if you let them. It’s called science. Maybe you’d know more about it if you read as many Yahoo Answers as me
Just heard a little boy call his mom “mother,” as if both had already accepted the fact that he’d become a serial killer some day.
Batman: *sits up in bed* Clark, you have x-ray vision. You know there’s no monster in the closet
Wolverine: You know what I can’t heal?
Jean: What Logan?
Wolverine: A broken heart
*professor x starts laughing from the other room*
*Batman receives electric bill for Bat Signal*
“ALFRED WE’RE GETTING IPHONES.”
Jesus: Behold my powers.
*walks onto water and falls in*
[back in heaven]
Angel: HAHAHAHA “behold my powers”
God spoketh unto Noah and The Lord sayeth “build an ark.” God spoketh once more and The Lord sayeth “Simon says build an ark” and it was so.