@osoplain

I just made bacon for dessert, I’m not in the mood to be trifled with

@osoplain

I wish I were better at subtweets cause I have some really passive aggressive things I’ld like to say to a couple of you

@osoplain

Of course I’ll buy a harmonica for a 3 year old. He doesn’t live with me

@osoplain

I should start carrying a pool noodle in my car and randomly smack cars when stuck in traffic

@osoplain

I hate when someone sneaks up in front of you when you’re scrolling on your phone

@osoplain

Don’t sell yourself short, in fact, don’t sell yourself at all. I’m pretty sure it’s illegal

@osoplain

Walking around naked is a great motivator to get back to the gym

@osoplain

I’m texting hubs a grocery list one item at a time so he can experience his phone blowing up