My wife does this cute thing. She sets her alarm clock an hour before she has to get up and then hits snooze 27 times. It’s so adorable.
I got chased by two Canadian geese today. I know they were Canadian because when they realized I was genuinely scared, they apologized.
Drugs and alcohol aren’t the answer. Unless the question is why did you shit on the sidewalk last night?
If you want to have fun with your kids, tell them the teacher called, then ask if there is something they need to tell you.
My 11 yo noticed my receding hairline and thought it was hilarious. Until I explained how heredity works.