@ramblinma

Husband [through locked door]: “I know you’re up, I saw your instagram post.”

@ramblinma

My life is a constant battle between wanting to correct grammar and wanting to have friends.

@ramblinma

Parents don’t have “favorites.” We dislike all of our children equally.

@ramblinma

Some days having kids makes it all worthwhile. I haven’t experienced any yet, but statistically they’re bound to happen at some point.

@ramblinma

No, officer, I haven’t been drinking; my toddler just needed to hand me everything from the back seat.

@ramblinma

I’m not saying I want a divorce, it’s just that sometimes 50% custody sounds pretty appealing.

@ramblinma

“I’m hungry. Except for anything you made. There’s no way I’m eating that.”

– Kids

@ramblinma

“Please go play with your brother. That’s basically the reason we had him.”