@retniw_nuf

I’m a really great friend – provided you don’t have any other friends to compare me with and never listen to my advice.

@retniw_nuf

I wear my wedding ring everyday so I know my right hand from my left hand, incase the man of my dreams asks me for directions.

@retniw_nuf

I hate it when I speak French to the homeless guy saying I don’t understand English and he replies in French so I have to give him money.

@retniw_nuf

Nothing makes me scream louder during sex than when my husband calls to let me know he’s on his way home from work.

@retniw_nuf

My husband asked me why I never blink during sex, I told him there just isn’t enough time.