@robdelaney

My “my wife is not having an affair with her karate teacher” headline is raising a lot of questions already answered by my headline.

@robdelaney

I miss James Gandolfini. Not least because his last name means “small wizard”.

@robdelaney

Just saw the new Avengers & the audience went NUTS when Shrek showed up & saved the day.

@robdelaney

my wife came home from church and caught me and Gary trying her jeans on again .

@robdelaney

Should my wife be taking this long to finish the corn maze she entered on Halloween?

@robdelaney

My mom always used to give me a card on Valentine’s Day when I was a kid. She stopped doing it when we broke up.

@robdelaney

I’m so sweaty at all times I think it would be biologically accurate to call me amphibious.

@robdelaney

For all the bad things that happened this year I sure did get fat.

@robdelaney

moisten thyself and wait for me in the westernmost grunting shed