when its election nite and you get wasabi in your eye
GERGE: hey can u spot me for lunch? Im a little short on cash
JERY: what happened i thought u bought the dip!
GERG: I did! but then it dipped again
JERY: it double dipped?
GERGE: I DOUBLE DIPPED THE CRYPT
going to tell my kids this was benjamin franklin
reminder: dont bring up serious subjects at the dinner table, some times its just not worth it
If u havin girl problems i feel bad for u son
jery had 73 girlfriends throughout seinfelds run
right before u die apple should send you a final screen time report like “you spent 38% of your life looking at your phone” and its the last thing u see before u close your eyes forever , and youre looking at the notification instead of your grandson
JERY: Maybe you can just go back
TERESA MAY: go back ?
JERY: Ya. pretend brexit never happened.
MAY: you mean just walk into the EU meeting on Monday morning like it never hapened?
JERY: Sure. People dont take england seriously
roses are red
violets are blue
the jerk store called
theyre running out of you
KIM KARDASHIAN: Elane you GOTA see the BABY
ELANE: I follow you on instagram. Im gona see it
GERG: She licked ur donut?
JERY: Shes a DONUT LICKER!
JERY: she also said she “hates america”
GERG: Donut licking traitor!
7 thoughts u have when buzfeed steals ur content
-why is a multimilion dollar website riping off my twiter