Waiter: And how did you find the wine?
Me: Well the first clue was the bottle in the middle of the table
The joy you get as a parent when you buy a big pizza and garlic bread to share, but they don’t like it! 😍😍
“Your beard really brings out your jawline” isn’t an appropriate compliment to put in her Valentine’s Day card, apparently!
I accidentally swallowed some Scrabble squares.
Going for a poo could spell trouble!