My daughter woke up at 6:06 today instead of her usual 6:00 because we let her stay up 5 hours past her bedtime last night.
Nothing in the world is more important to a child than seeing what you just showed another adult on your phone.
I noticed my wife and kids were wearing vests so I put one on just so I could say “vest day ever” like a million times. Then I took it off just so I could mention that I wasn’t as invested as they were.
My wife and I are 3 weeks in on researching and discussing air fryers and if it is worth losing the counter space. Middle age Christmases are wild.
Heard a rival dad in the neighborhood was handing out full size candy bars so now every trick-or-treater that comes to my door is getting an entire rotisserie chicken.
One side of our sink has a garbage disposal. The other side is where my daughter just dumped a full bowl of cereal.
Husbands and wives who never fight,
How does your house get cleaned?
Why would I spend $5 on a bag of apples at the store when I can wear warm fall clothes in 88° weather and pay $36 for our family to pick them ourselves.
On a road trip passing a billboard that says live girls dancing daily.
My daughter’s voice from the backseat, “wow, that’s a lot of recitals.”
Vacation is just your wife not liking any of your restaurant suggestions closer to the ocean.
Having a daughter in middle school makes you realize every song ever written is highly inappropriate.
Imagine being 5 minutes from the end of the longest movie ever & it starts over because it forgot something. That’s my kid telling a story.
I’m helping my daughter write valentines to her class and children’s names these days are completely out of hand.
You know what has zero calories and zero carbs? A nap.
All parents want is for our kids to go to bed so we can watch a show with bad words in it and eat the hidden snacks.