@sixfootcandy

Me: I love you
Husband: I love you, too
Me: Please remember that when you get the January Amex bill

@sixfootcandy

My husband bought me a holiday throw pillow after complaining that we have too many throw pillows. He said “Holiday pillows don’t count because they’re temporary.”

I don’t think he understands the floodgate he just opened.

@sixfootcandy

Find yourself a partner who’ll sneak out of bathroom windows with you at holiday parties.

@sixfootcandy

Husband: Let’s try to spend a little less money this Christmas, ok?

Me: *dog sleeping in a custom manger. Ok.

@sixfootcandy

My husband just called to ask me what aisle something is in because he won’t ask for directions in a grocery store either.

@sixfootcandy

My husband and I had a few cocktails while we were out shopping and don’t remember what we bought the kids. I’m so excited to see what we got them on Christmas morning.

@sixfootcandy

Kids: *misbehaving in public*

Me: Keep it up and I’ll get my breakdancing cardboard out of the trunk.

@sixfootcandy

Dentist: Don’t eat or drink for…
Me: *already eating a snack before she finishes her sentence*