I scratched my wife’s makeup case but the damage was only cosmetic
You never notice pilots because they’re usually in d’skies
Arguing over who really won the spelling bee but it’s their word against mine
I’m trying to find my niche, and my nechphew
Lights that commit crimes are sent to prism
Kidney stones? Hard pass
“Bro, you want this pamphlet?”
“Brochure”
Two companies that hate each other? Probably KIA and …Nokia
Eucalyptus are the only plants named after what they would say if pruned
Anyone else see a huge missed opportunity here?
Harry Potter accidentally hits ‘reply owl’
*Holding a banana like a phone* (texting)
I was thinking about blocking the Suez canal but that ship has sailed
Moved my clocks forward and they fell off the shelves
Having your stuff stolen is the heist form of flattery