@smerobin I was a better person when I bought this lettuce.
@smerobin @smerobin *changes entire paper to past tense to try to increase the page count*
@smerobin Instacart – For when you still want someone to call you from the store about your grocery list but you don’t want to be married to them.
@smerobin Telling my husband he got his days mixed up and my quarantine is actually another day so he doesn’t see how messy I’ve let this room get.
@smerobin Doctor: I told you to gargle with salt water.
Me *slurping ramen noodles*: ᵍᵃʳᵍˡᵉᵍᵃʳᵍˡᵉ
@smerobin Everyone: Wow, I love your official animal.
Aussies: Thanks, it has pockets.