
I was a better person when I bought this lettuce.
I was a better person when I bought this lettuce.
*changes entire paper to past tense to try to increase the page count*
Instacart – For when you still want someone to call you from the store about your grocery list but you don’t want to be married to them.
Telling my husband he got his days mixed up and my quarantine is actually another day so he doesn’t see how messy I’ve let this room get.
Doctor: I told you to gargle with salt water.
Me *slurping ramen noodles*: ᵍᵃʳᵍˡᵉᵍᵃʳᵍˡᵉ
Everyone: Wow, I love your official animal.
Aussies: Thanks, it has pockets.