@sonictyrant [the funeral of the writer of the hokey-pokey]
funeral director: why is it taking so long to get him in the coffin?
employee: well every time i put his left leg in…
@sonictyrant @sonictyrant I have a Brown Paper Belt in Origami
@sonictyrant me: *signing to gorilla*
gorilla:*signs back*
reporter: how long did it take him to learn that?
gorilla: years
@sonictyrant me: make me irresistible to women
genie: *turns me into a puppy* careful what you wish for haha
me: *raises hind leg over lamp*
genie: wait no stop
@sonictyrant Me: how much for the goth harmonica?
Store Clerk: that’s a cheese grater
@sonictyrant If i’m in the mood for some jazz i just throw an orchestra down the stairs
@sonictyrant therapist: according to your wife you only say rude words
me: rude words
therapist: yes
me: rude words
therapist: i see
@sonictyrant [First day at Amazon]
me: *throws a single toothbrush into a tv-sized box*
manager: wow this guy’s a natural lol
@sonictyrant The opposite of Mariachi is Divorciachi
@sonictyrant I just signed up for a gym membership and sprained my wrist