@sophielou

Daughter: Before the internet how’d you get anything done?!

Me: I don’t remember honey. Google it.

@sophielou

When brushing your teeth at bedtime, if you say 3 times into the mirror: “Sleeping soothes the seething” you will spit toothpaste all over your reflection

@sophielou

Inventor of fridge door ice cube dispenser: Let’s consistently surprise them with an extra ice cube that randomly shoots out after they are done filling their glass.

*Awkward missed high fives around boardroom table*

@sophielou

Getting fuel at 2am I was so alert to my surroundings- hearing a voice over my shoulder I whipped around to pepper spray gas station tv

@sophielou

This cheap wine tastes like a fine full bodied Capri Sun

@sophielou

Grandma confused about Tide Pods “kids these days eating those podcasts”….

@sophielou

*Watching opening credits -The Winter Olympics in PyeongChang 2018*

Me: “How do you pronounce that?”

Daughter: (Heavy sigh & eye-roll) “OH.LIM.PIKS”

@sophielou

A group of us were talking about running a 5k; some are planning to power walk it, a few are going to jog at a slow pace and I thought I’m going to just skip the whole thing.

@sophielou

My shetland pony was all black and we called him Midnight. His sister was not quite as dark and her name was Eleven Thirty.

@sophielou

My aunt cuts her name & address label from magazines for fear of the legendary “saw your name & address on a magazine label” murderer