@st__arving [God creating chihuahuas]
“Scare that rat into an identity crisis”
@st__arving @st__arving [dollar store]
“how much for your finest dollar?”
@st__arving BOB THE BUILDER: Can we fi-
MACGYVER: Done.
@st__arving HEAR YE, MORTALS. AWAKEN FROM THY SLUMBER. FUCKERY DOTH PLAGUE THE LAND. TIS MINE DUTY TO- *falls off barstool*
@st__arving at library
ME: This book wasn’t helpful at all!
LIBRARIAN: Why? What’s the problem?
BIRD: [mockingly] “Why? What’s the problem?”
@st__arving Thank you for clarifying that you’d bite me with your teeth, my mind was running wild with all the possible things you could bite me with.
@st__arving Me: I think you might have schizophrenia
Me: No I don’t
@st__arving [Mon]
Boss: Let’s talk about your clothes
Adam: But it’s my best leaf
B: You need officewear
A: Understood[Tues]
B: Is that a sticky note?
@st__arving A fondue party… But instead of bread, it’s more cheese. And instead of people, it’s even more cheese.
@st__arving I wasn’t dropped as a baby, but I’ve been making up for it ever since.