[God creating chihuahuas]
“Scare that rat into an identity crisis”
“how much for your finest dollar?”
BOB THE BUILDER: Can we fi-
HEAR YE, MORTALS. AWAKEN FROM THY SLUMBER. FUCKERY DOTH PLAGUE THE LAND. TIS MINE DUTY TO- *falls off barstool*
ME: This book wasn’t helpful at all!
LIBRARIAN: Why? What’s the problem?
BIRD: [mockingly] “Why? What’s the problem?”
Thank you for clarifying that you’d bite me with your teeth, my mind was running wild with all the possible things you could bite me with.
Me: I think you might have schizophrenia
Me: No I don’t
Boss: Let’s talk about your clothes
Adam: But it’s my best leaf
B: You need officewear
B: Is that a sticky note?
A fondue party… But instead of bread, it’s more cheese. And instead of people, it’s even more cheese.
I wasn’t dropped as a baby, but I’ve been making up for it ever since.