A shrimp cannot fry rice, what do y’all not understand?
You want me to go to the bathroom? The thing that killed Elvis?
My milk is on 2%. Time to charge the battery
Everyone asks me when I’m gonna start a family but no one asks me when I’m gonna stop a family
I wish I could lose weight as easily as I lose my glasses
If we go into lockdown again, can we just buy the sourdough this time?
Normalize ordering a straw with your soup
Just saw a WiFi name called “Hot Signals In Your Area” and honestly that’s iconic
Everyone asks me when I’m gonna start a family but no one asks me when I’m gonna stop a family
“I’ve fallen and I can’t get up” seems like a great slogan for tequila
Some people like pineapple on pizza and some people like pizza on pineapple
This is my pinned tweet
Everyone wants to know WHO’S the killer but no one wants to know HOW’S the killer
How many light bulbs does it take to fix a person?
Why is it called In N Out when the line is 10 miles long