Girls be like “I love you” and then instead of ghosting you and going fishing with the guys, they spend the rest of their lives with you. Be careful out there
When I was 15, I decided I was not going to be a grumpy old man when I grew up
I’m 55 now and I’m mad at cucumbers
I just ate a kid’s meal at McDonald’s. His mom tried to stop me but I’m too fast
Going down to the shelter today to adopt a rotisserie chicken
I’m scared some kid is going to break into my house and fleek me to death with a bae
Face ID doesn’t recognize me unless I’m chewing