@thatdentaldude

A smoke detector, but with voice recognition, that will turn off when you yell, “I’m just cooking”

@thatdentaldude

I once started a “Think for yourself” cult and nobody came back after the first meeting.

@thatdentaldude

Tinder, but it’s an app that you and your wife have for local restaurants, when you both swipe on a match, that’s were you go for dinner.

@thatdentaldude

“The following program is intended for mature audiences only”

Me: *leaves room

@thatdentaldude

Jehovah’s Witness: Hello, sir. Have you given any thought to the afterlife?

Me: Depends. Are you gonna be there?

Jehovah’s Witness: Why yes-

Me: *slams door*

@thatdentaldude

Found out today my ex girlfriend married a successful businessman. I’m probably better off without her, seems like she has ambition and standards

@thatdentaldude

James Bond is enjoying a tranquil shower at home after leaving active service. However, his peace is short-lived as his old CIA friend shows up and asks for help. In the riveting new film, “No Time To Dry”

@thatdentaldude

My landlord told me he needed to talk to me about how high my heating bill is. I was like, come on over, my door’s always open.