Ride your bike to the bar, they said. You’ll never forget how to ride a bike, they said.
A rap song where I’m just telling my dog about my day & I keep rhyming with “treats” so he stays interested.
Got kicked outta Starbucks for trying to order a venti mocha choca latta ya-ya creole lady marmalaaaaaaaaade.
Hey Guinevere *knight flips up his visor* Hast thou considered my proposal? Because *unsheathes blade* I’m sword of a big deal.
Forgive me father, for I have sinned. I’m not so sure what I did, but he sent me a text that only said, “K” so it must be pretty bad.
First date: *puts entire onion ring in mouth* If yo’lik et ven yo’shoulla puh a wring owh it.
Shout out to sidewalks.
Thanks for keeping me off the streets.
Quit college. Become an oven. Get up to like 500 degrees.
Probably the most valuable life lesson I’ve learned from a movie is to not steal black girls’ cheer routines.
I wrote a poem: Dinosaurs, they used to roar, but… No more. Still mad atchu, meteor.