THE TIME OF MY LIFE
AND I NEVER FELT THIS WAY BEFORE
Fetty Wap’s full name is Fettuccine Wireless Application Protocol.
A Starbucks was robbed at gunpoint this afternoon. The culprits are still at venti.
Guard: Sorry, no dogs
Man: But it’s a guide dog
Guard: Oh, ok
Guide Dog: And if you look to your left you’ll notice an insensitive jerk
“So how are the anger management classes?”
We have to crochet stuff when we get mad
[I furiously make a beautiful cardigan]
Interviewer: Under skills you put horse whisperer and able to see ghosts
Me: Ask that horse if you don’t believe me
Interviewer: What horse?
Doctor: Can you point to where it hurts
Me: [gestures wildly towards The News]
[two women sunbathing in garden]
“It’s so nice out here”
“Where’s that creepy guy who lives next door?”
HEDGE “He’s away for the weekend”
Farmer: I love my job
Wife: But all you do all day is round up cows
Farmer: What did you say to me?
Wife: You herd
Your full name
[quietly] “Yoghurt-Yoghurt Marmalade”