An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth. But a tooth is worth half an eye, so an eye for two teeth also works, if you’re out of eyes.
America is the greatest country on earth at thinking it’s the greatest country on earth.
Just updated My Facebook status from “Single” to “In a Trinity”. #wayoverdue
Thank Satan it’s Monday.
The secret to effective prayer is asking for things that would have happened anyway.
When people say “To be honest…”, it means that up to that point they’ve been lying.
“Creation science” has the same intellectual heft as “dragon anatomy”.
Home is where the Wi-Fi is.
Jesus was the original child star who fell in with the wrong crowd and died young.
It’s not that he liked big butts; it’s that he could not lie. THAT’S why Sir Mix-a-Lot deserved his knighthood.
Earth was the first world I created. It has all kinds of problems. #firstworldproblems
“We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal.” – A man who owned other men.
If you had more money you’d be happier.
Sometimes Jesus asks himself, “What would some self-righteous hypocrite do?”
Priests should not have to live in a state of forced celibacy, but be free to marry and let celibacy slowly descend upon them the usual way.