I get really offended when people expect me to share just because I bought the “share size” pack. I bought that size to share with myself, not you
Current situation: laying in bed trying to manifest breakfast
I never knew so many people named their kids after numbers until Twitter
My toxic trait is telling people I’m down for anything when in reality I mean not after 8 pm, food should be involved, and it also depends on the weather, the parking situation, and how tired I am
Apparently in order for exercise to be effective you have to keep doing it. Seems like a scam to me.
14 y.o.: OMG MOM!!!! Are you okay?!?! Do you need some water? Are you having a heart attack? Why does your face look like that?
Me: I’m not having a heart attack, I just ran for five minutes.
My son just came and asked me to help him with his history project and I really feel like he’s taking a BIG chance on me considering what happened when I tried to help him with his math homework. Here goes nothing.
Why is it when I buy something a size up and want it to shrink it stays exactly the same size. But when I buy something that fits perfectly it comes out of the dryer looking like it was made for a small child? I’m pretty sure it’s a conspiracy by Big Textile.
Me: I think I’ll go for a run
My back: oh no, I can’t handle this
My brain: WHAT THE HELL ARE WE DOING?
My heart: Nope. I am not okay with this.
My lungs: I got this guys! *completely stop working*
I live with my husband, and my 14 y.o. son. I have learned that if I want to hide anything in our house all I need to do is put it behind something else and they’ll never find it.
The beastie boys didn’t prepare me for all of the rights we actually have to fight for.
My husband just said that he’s eating dinner and then he’s coming to bed for dessert and honestly I’m just wondering how he found out about the peanut m&m’s I stashed in my nightstand.
My kid has been home since March 2020 and I don’t know what this says about me as a parent but tbh I’m actually really going to miss him when he starts school again next week…now who is going to do laundry, feed the dog, and switch out the dishwasher?