@tigersgoroooar all i’m saying is that i probably would have used a different font here.
@tigersgoroooar @tigersgoroooar I miss when the most stressful thing about my day was Gargamel.
@tigersgoroooar Killer with knife to my throat: it’s ironic how you’re about to die in your living room.
Me: actually, that’s not really what ironic means.
@tigersgoroooar Everyone is at the store buying milk and bread to prepare for the snow. I’m buying frozen pizza. Enjoy your milk sandwiches, losers!
@tigersgoroooar just saw a church sign that says, “santa claus never died for anyone.” and i’m like, “okay well jesus never brought me a barbie dreamhouse.”
@tigersgoroooar Imagine a hunter in a deer stand but instead of a gun he has a long stick he pokes the deer with and they look around like “ok who did that”
@tigersgoroooar Not going to any more weddings or funerals. Please keep that in mind, friends who are considering getting married or dying.
@tigersgoroooar Had an epiphany today.
@tigersgoroooar Yesterday CNN reported that “sitting will kill you, even if you exercise” and I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but living will kill you.
@tigersgoroooar Not to brag, but I just bought Eggland’s best eggs from the grocery store. Their BEST eggs. I got them.