all i’m saying is that i probably would have used a different font here.
I miss when the most stressful thing about my day was Gargamel.
Killer with knife to my throat: it’s ironic how you’re about to die in your living room.
Me: actually, that’s not really what ironic means.
Everyone is at the store buying milk and bread to prepare for the snow. I’m buying frozen pizza. Enjoy your milk sandwiches, losers!
just saw a church sign that says, “santa claus never died for anyone.” and i’m like, “okay well jesus never brought me a barbie dreamhouse.”
Imagine a hunter in a deer stand but instead of a gun he has a long stick he pokes the deer with and they look around like “ok who did that”
Not going to any more weddings or funerals. Please keep that in mind, friends who are considering getting married or dying.
Had an epiphany today.
Yesterday CNN reported that “sitting will kill you, even if you exercise” and I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but living will kill you.
Not to brag, but I just bought Eggland’s best eggs from the grocery store. Their BEST eggs. I got them.