Me: I just want to go on vacation where the food is cheap, there are no kids, and no other people
Husband: So send the kids to your parents for a week and stay home?
I packed workout clothes and nutritious snacks for a vacation and my suitcase can’t stop laughing
I accidentally used my son’s body wash, now I hate jackets and just called my mom bruh
Husband: You don’t have to wear a mask
Me: I’m hoping no one talks to me
Husband: But it’s just us and we are home
Me: *tightening mask*
Sometimes I think about when I was at an event when I was 20 and I asked this guy to dance and he said after I eat my cake. After he finished that piece he went back for another piece…and another. He just kept eating cake. So. Much. Cake. I’m still waiting on that dance.
“but you said you were right around the corner.” Let me stop you right there. I never said what corner
“You need to chill out, you’ve yelled at everything that isn’t a snack.”
–my 10 year old
My 4 yr old niece is on the hyper side so my brother-in-law was trying to teach her about behaving and said “little girls are made of sugar and spice and what else?” and in her best batman voice she replied, “BLOOD AND BONES.”
If a tree falls in the forest and no one hears it, maybe that’s where your kid should be practicing the trumpet.
If I ever have to get into a fight with a bear, I’m sneaking in at least one hug.