Thank you for ordering this $2 necklace from Etsy. With shipping your total comes to $758,937. Item will arrive from Uzbekistan in 3 years
From now on, I’m referring to my ex girlfriends as “yesterbae’s.”
Nice job Instagramming your plane ticket with enough personal information to take out a mortgage in your name.
Day 218 of making fun of CrossFit.
Gum commercials exaggerate your odds of kissing a complete stranger in public by 780,000,000%
If you want to keep a secret from me, write it down and send it to me as a Facebook event invitation.
It’s summer. We’re young. Let’s sneak into someone else’s pool and skinnydip. If we get caught, we stab them and assume their identities.
Welcome to earth! You have a choice of private parts. Would you like the one that creates life & bleeds or the constant bad decision maker?
Real House Wines.