Fact: If you eat a slice of pizza fast enough, your body won’t understand how many calories are in it.
If you wanna go and take a ride with me with three women in the floor with the goat cheese.
turns out the ‘kkk’ are not just a group of guys who are very agreeable in their text messages 馃檨
It’s nice to feel wanted. Even if it’s by the FBI.
Before you refer to someone as your ex, make sure they know you dated.
The only way to make a cat like you is to cancel plans with them and ignore their text messages.
“Aww. You guys… And it’s not even my real birthday! #flattered .”
-Jesus
If I were a manager at Stabucks I would be like, “You showed up latte for work today!” then when the laughing stops, “but no, you’re fired.”
Just saw a touching BP commercial where BP congratulates BP for doing some of what BP was legally required to do after it wrecked the earth.
You should be my grillfriend. Not a typo, girl. You’re hot enough to cook meat on.
What rhymes with “hug me”?
Chutney.
Does the S in iPhone 5S stand for “superficial”? “Shallow”? “Slave”? Or “soon to be obsolete”?
Now marriage can be between any two people who are misguided enough to start a life together in New Jersey.
Go buy a burrito, leave it in your fridge, get drunk, come home and be your own best secret admirer.
I don’t have ADD. It’s just that everything is more interesting than what I have to get done.