@yoyoha

“Eat her already!” – Animal watching people kissing

@yoyoha

Are there any police officers willing to come to my house in uniform and tell my kids that not listening to me is against the law

@yoyoha

Johnny Depp is proof that if you dress like you’re a member of a rock band long enough one will just form around you eventually

@yoyoha

Leaving a watermelon on someone’s doorstep in the middle of night is a pretty inexpensive way to occupy a portion of their mind forever.

@yoyoha

8yo Me: *sneaks candy*
14yo Me: *sneaks cigarettes*
18yo Me: *sneaks alcohol*
43yo Me: *sneaks candy*

Being an adult is stupid.

@yoyoha

STEP 1: Sign up for email newsletter
STEP 2: Receive email newsletter
STEP 3: Delete unread email newsletter for the rest of your life

@yoyoha

there should be a jail just for people that don’t break apart kit kats before they eat them

@yoyoha

I don’t have a summer home, but I do have several different email addresses.

@yoyoha

ariana grande looks like she was designed in a lab by japanese perverts

@yoyoha

“I DON’T CARE IF YOU THINK IT SOUNDS GROSS THAT’S WHAT WE’RE CALLING IT” – Guy who named the sweater.