stan is such a liar – at first he’s like “i’m your biggest fan” but THEN he says his little brother matthew likes eminem even more than him
One time John Waters spilled water on me and my mom said “thank god his name isn’t John Barbecue Sauce!”
my friend told me on first dates i should just “be myself” and “be confident” and i was like “ok but which one?”
Maybe I’m the good kind of fat like an avocado.
Next time someone knocks on your bathroom stall say “Sorry, I’m with a client.”
Hey! Welcome to Urban Outfitters. Are you a baby-sized woman or a woman-sized man?