@JoParkerBear

[USPS]
M: *hands change of address form*
C: Ma’am, this just says “bathtub.”
M: I live there now.
C: We can’t send mail to a bathtub.
M: Yay

You Might Also Like

@pajamawitch

The existence of egg nog presupposes the existence of other, more obscure nogs.

@ericsshadow

I’ve made 2 terrible decisions in my life and they’re both outside throwing rocks at the new neighbors.

@thetigersez

Don’t even talk to me until I’ve had my coffee.
*never drinks coffee again*
This is nice.

@noog

#WhatMostWomenWant A man with a vibrating penis.

@alanthefisher

You think that a new transit line that would carry over a million people a year would be good? Well these 20 wealthy home owners say otherwise

@JasonLastname

I will give Canada this. Their geese are hard to keep in a headlock.

@junejuly12

If my cat keeps packing on the pounds, I’m going to rent him out as a weighted blanket.

@NotKarma

I teleported myself today. I pushed a switch button that says “Don’t touch” and the next thing I know I’m lying on this hospital bed.

@XplodingUnicorn

3-year-old: Let’s play zombies

Me: OK

3: You’re the dad zombie, I’m the mom zombie & this is the baby

She tricked me into playing house