
“I’m thinking about having a baby.”
“You should get a dog.”
“As a sort of test?”
“No. You should just get a dog.”
“I’m thinking about having a baby.”
“You should get a dog.”
“As a sort of test?”
“No. You should just get a dog.”
A man played Justin Bieber to force an attacking bear to run off. He was treated for his injuries, then arrested for cruelty to animals.
A coworker just complained that nobody was talking to her and I really wish I had her kind of problems.
If you tase an electrician, he only becomes more powerful.
the lady that filled the bird feeder was two hours late and chester was starting to get pissed
If I was a ghost, I’d write “Happy Birthday” in blood on your wall for your birthday, cuz you may be cursed, but it’s still your birthday.
You raised me and taught me everything I know. Happy Father’s Day, internet.
“We’re not buying another toy until Mommy gets laid!” might not be the most appropriate thing to yell in ToysRUs.
One of the World’s Strongest Man events should be “Pulling apart two shopping carts that are stuck together.”
How to resolve a complaint from neighbours