@donni

Wake up, kids! Bees can’t even read, much less spell. IT’S A SCAM!

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@bestnewuser

toothpaste is a big scam. if ur tooth falls out, it stays out. toothpaste Will Not paste it back in.

@BuckyIsotope

Just did my taxes. Put $420.69 on every line and 5 IRS agents just showed up at my door with a keg, 3 strippers and giant foam fingers.

@SlabBaconBP

As meltdowns go I think this one is pretty mild. Oh and by the way, the fact that nobody has offered me drugs yet is pretty disappointing.

@Maxine12333

The gym is like church to some people. No matter what they do all week, they think they can erase it with one visit.

@huntigula

Pacman: I feel like a woman trapped in a man’s body! I want the procedure, doc.

Dr.: Very well. Just relax..

*puts bow on Pacman’s head

@Crunch11b

“This place needs to be sticky, wall to wall.”

-Every 2 year old with a Popsicle.

@Y2SHAF

kids in 2050 trying to study the 2019-2022 chapter of history for a test