@donni
@snarkweek7 Sometimes I pick another language on the ATM to see if I can make it all the way thru.
So I’m still broke, but now also in French.
You Might Also Like
@snarkweek7 
@Havish_AF What happens in the elevator stays in the elevator.
@ArtIsMyPorn The vet said he can’t prescribe my imaginary horse anymore ketamine.
@sarabellab123 My husband: Do you really need another pair of black pants?
My husband’s closet:
@T_N_Crumpets Cop: You look pretty beat up, how many attackers did you say there was?
[flashback to me showing the cat my nunchuk skills]
Me: Easily 10
@PinkCamoTO I miss the 80s, when you could hide an alien in your room for 3 days before mom found out and five kids on bikes could outsmart the police.
@LetMeStart It’s only fair that if the TSA should ban over 3oz of liquid carried on a person, they should also ban a person wearing over 3oz of cologne.
@joshgondelman Every fancy restaurant now is just named after two ingredients you’d never eat together. It’s always like “Basil and Butterscotch” or “Honey and Clam.”
@Ndeshi_M Bailiff: State your name for the court
Hr: Clara Sofía Alba Constanza Guadalupe…
Judge: That’s enough I want to get out of here b4 lunch!
@GrantTanaka “I was thinking of all the shit I hate, so I made a list of all the shit I hate”
*notices you don’t care
*adds you to list of shit I hate