*wakes up in a forest grove surrounded by deer*
ME:[nervous] are u the good deer or the evil deer?
(i see one deer holding up a classic copy of Bambi on VHS)
ME:[sigh of relief]
*deer breaks VHS in half*
ME:*gasps* oh no![]()
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It breaks my heart to think that of the 100 million hardworking pads of paper in this country, only about 20% are legal.
Sometimes my sarcasm doesn’t deliver well and people miss the message. Anyway that’s why I’m stabbing you.
WIFE: The police are at the front door
ME: *hiding a bag of donuts* Do they look mad?
Twinkle twinkle little whore, close your legs they’re not a door.
My organization style can be best described as “just don’t look in that room.”
The shortest distance between two points is over a cyclist.
~Australian drivers, apparently.
My conscience is clean.
Alcohol is technically a solvent.
A conversation between 2 vegans:
“I’m a vegan.”
“I’m a vegan too.”
“Oh.”
“So…you’re a vegan?”
“Yes, I am a vegan.”
“Me too.”
You: Where’s Carl?
Me: That fool done gone and lost his mind
You: Thats too bad. What’s for dinner?
Me: Funny you should ask
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Danny: I got chills, there multiplying.
Sandy: *they’re