“What kind of dog is this?”
“Sir thats my..”
*picks it up*
“Your a good dog arent you?”
“PUT MY SON DOWN”
Walking up to guys with girls with them and saying “you never called! Our son is 5 now” then walk away….always brightens my day
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“It’s not you, it’s me.” -Twins looking at some family photos
I am bored. Anyone need anything avenged?
Welcome to Premature Ejaculation Club
A lot of you came early,
I’m not surprised
“My phone’s about to die.” -Me, 30 seconds into every phone call ….
This nation more divided than ever.
I just saw a tweet in support of raisins.
Auto correct doesn’t work when I use caps lock. My phone is like “woah, better let this dude cool down before I tell him he’s wrong”
My neck, my back. My pizza and my snacks.
me after eating Cheetos
You can take the girl out of the food court, but not this girl. I’m staying.