Just found out the last message the Mars Rover sent was, “my battery is low and it is getting dark,” and I will be using the same message for anyone who texts me to hang out after 630pm
[walks into Halloween party with a hot dog taped to my head]
“What are you supposed to be?”
ME: I’m not wearing a costume
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*sees cute baby*
Everyone: omg I want one
My ovaries, taking a drag of a cigarette: ya’ll hear something?
Hey girl, Did you fall from heaven? Because it looks like you landed on your face.
I’m at the age where if I took an oatmeal bath I would want to add blueberries.
[NASA press conf]
“good news: we found a cat on Mars”
REPORTER: & the bad news?
“[recalls Curiosity rover running it over] uh it’s sleeping”
My husband just said, “I have a game I think you’d be interested in that I bet you haven’t heard of…
It’s called Wordle”
Let he who is without sin, get the hell away from me.
Someone should probably go check on Steve.
CANADIAN: Let’s watch a movie
AMERICAN: Have you seen Titanic?
CANADIAN: What’s that about?
AMERICAN: Yes, it was. A huge one that sank