@GrowlyGrego

*walks out of prison, a free man.
*guards shouting from gate
“From! At! For! With!”
What?
“Oh, we always end sentences with a preposition”

You Might Also Like

@NrouteHQ

[detention facility]

Jeff: I’m in for littering what are YOU in for?

Jeoff: loitering

@jonnysun

imagime if introverts were as aggresive to extroverts as extroverts r to introverts
“why do u hav to socialize”
“why dont u stay in”
“loser”

@BobbyPinktin

I don’t pluck my unibrow to look good, I do it because McDonald’s sued me for illegal use of the double arches.

@RocketRankoon

You’ve won this round supervisor, but accidentally leave your Ok Cupid profile open one more time and you’ll be a transgender time traveler.

@jessokfine

This is a baby horse: it can walk 4 hours after it’s born
This is a baby human: don’t touch its head wrong or you’ll bonk its brain

@maisondecris

*thinks my friend Liz’s full first name is Lizard* Lizard. Listen to me. Why are you laughing. Lizard be serious. Lizard please

@MarfSalvador

Him: This is the best sand castle I’ve ever built!

Her: We’re gonna die in this desert aren’t we?

@melibuff

That’s shocking!! Hold on.

*quickly draws overly arched eyebrows*

Ok. Go on.

@illTortuga

From now on, when you see the word “minimum”, good luck trying to not imagine a tiny British mother.