@fightforfood

We get it, cacti, you have great biceps.

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@Hadzilla

FUN PRANK: tweet “going hang gliding!!!!” then don’t tweet again for 12 years

@pleatedjeans

[Batman in tears]
Catwoman left me
Oh no what happened?!
I left the door open and she just bolted

@WilliamAder

The worst thing about switching from Android to an iPhone is the almond milk.

@LeahsLounge

If the virus can keep becoming a new version of itself so can you.

@elle91

Everyone should own large grizzly bear in case they ever need to defend themselves against one.

@abbycohenwl

He walked across the parking area explaining, “I’m going through a lot”

@ItsAndyRyan

Child twister: “I can’t tear up that farmhouse, Dad”
Dad twister: “Come on son – we’re Kansas tornadoes, not Kan’tsas tornadoesn’ts”

@SuperRandomish

Coworker: “How’d you get that cut above your eye?”

Me: *Remembering dropping my phone on my face* “STOP ASKING ME ABOUT FIGHT CLUB!”

@Elizasoul80

The lack of proof that Robert Downey Jr is stalking me just convinces me that he is very good at it.