@River_Niles 2: I no want to eat pasta! It too spicy!
Me: Oh ok then
2: I no wan watch Mickey Mouse he too spicy!
Me: huh?
2: NO BATH TIME BATH TOO SPICY
@TheBoydP Welcome to your fifties, your movie reviews are no longer thumbs up or thumbs down, they’re did I fall asleep or stay awake.
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@River_Niles 
@batsVsupes 
@Bizarro_Mark If the sprayer in the sink can’t get it off and the dishwasher can’t get it off then I assume it’s just meant to be a part of the pan.
@E_Ville13 You didn’t question the free nachos or the ride in the van. But now that I’ve got a knife to your throat you’re all “why, why?”
@Cuntypants Sorry I yelled “SURPRISE!” when you caught me in bed with your husband.
I was unaware that you don’t like surprises.
@KalvinMacleod Steps to survive on a dessert island:
1. check spelling
2. if correct, enjoy
@Amanisnotadoor I don’t get laid on Saturdays. The last two words were unnecessary.
@AimeeHelene1 I’ve developed a rash from my wedding ring, which can only mean my body is rejecting marriage.
@lawyerthoughts Them: sir there’s no food allowed in here.
Me: this is my service burrito.
@im_all_id A hot guy at my job asked me if I had any plans and I told him 15 because I thought he said plants