WHAT DO WE WANT!?
A forum for passive aggressive behavior!
WHEN do we want it?
NOW would be great but you seem busy sooo whatever.
You Might Also Like
I hate it when I’m at a red light, trying to find a good song, & someone honks when the light turns green.
Calm the hell down. It’ll turn green again.
Lauren on Facebook asks:
“What’s the best way to ward off ghosts?”To which I replied: “a camera.”
“After he ate the shrooms, Mario ate flowers and pretended he could shoot fireballs out of his hands.”
– Princess Peach, at Couples Therapy
Hung out with some new people and after they left my girlfriend said, “…What if we had some kind of hand signal for when you should stop talking?”
me to the fake CIA agent: okay so you need me to put all my savings in a shoe box? all $387?
scammer: you know what never mind
Person: Raise your glasses!
Me: Hahaha! *raises bottle*
I found my first grey pubic hair today, but I remained calm; unlike everyone else in the Zoom meeting.
Make fun of my briefcase all you want but I’ve got a whole cake in here.
Every day has been Fat Tuesday since quarantine started.
Sometimes I buy enormous pants and take a picture of myself holding them up just to feel like I lost a ton of weight.
Her: Are you getting off early today?
Me: THAT HAPPENED ONE TIME!
Dinosaurs, consider yourselves avenged
Sorry I panicked and told your kids that Santa is able to visit every house in one night because he does meth.
If it’s unimportant, I’ll remember it.
*Tiptoes up behind a burglar robbing our house and sneaks 10 of my kids’ stuffed animals into his bag*
[Seahawks locker room]
Coach: okay if we want to win we will need to have a bigger number for the score!
Wilson: well put! Well put!
Prince Charming: check out the babe
Doc: oh that’s Snow White, she’s dead
Prince Charming: I should kiss her
Doc: do you really think that might bring her back to life?
Prince Charming: bring her what now?
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
“Go clean up your mansion!!!!!”
-My orthodontist, to his children, probably.
I want to see Taylor Swift and Rupi Kaur fight each other.
Boss: do you have Twitter?
Me: what’s twitter?
Boss: no seriously
Me: ……
Me: no hablo Inglés
Guys, have you ever become so fed up trying to undo a bra that you wished you hadn’t put one on in the first place?
Watermelons are just overweight diabetic cucumbers
wife:
Where are the powdered doughnuts?me:
Me: Sometimes I wonder if people don’t like me
Therapist: That’s where I can help
Me: Great
Therapist: They don’t
Admit it, you’d eat a shoe if it were deep fried and covered in BBQ sauce.
murderer: *stabbing me*
me: 🙂
murderer: doesn’t it hurt?
me: i’m used to it i have a cat :’)
Long story short; they ended up having sex, but will eventually despise each other.
Just a reminder that Jingle Bells makes it sound like some grand adventure but a one-horse open sleigh is literally the cheapest sleigh you can get.
My dog will literally sneeze in my face, but if I dare sneeze in the same room as him, he looks at me like I’ve offended him and 4 generations of his ancestors