What do you call a potato/corn crime fighting duo?

Starchy and Husk

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dad: when i die, donate my body to science


me: *handing an urn to the first guy in a labcoat i see* uh here you go


I had a really good charcoal fire going and now there’s nothing grillable left in the house.


How to lose weight:

1. Name your kid Weight
2. Take it to the mall


Just text my husband to tell him he left his phone behind & someone is calling him.

And now someone’s texting him.


wife: my husband thinks he’s a ghost

marriage counselor: what. where is he

wife: he’s probably trying to come in…

[sound of someone running straight into the door]


me: check out that beach body

other forensic detective: stop calling it that


There’s an age where being drunk becomes pathetic but if you hang in there somewhere around 70 it becomes cool again.


I’m shaking my hands to get my nail polish to dry and now this deaf guy outside wants to know how the story ends.