HER: I love when a guy speaks other languages
HER: *closes her browser, metaphorically*
What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. Except bears, bears will kill you.
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Him: Send me a shower pic
HARRY POTTER: 🙁
VOLDEMORT: : (
*tucking t-shirt into tighty whities*
Time to seize the day.
ME: “Nemo” is Latin for “no one,” so in essence he is searching for nothing, a spectre. His voyage crosses many planes, into the depths of the underworld, led by a fool who speaks riddles. He is King Lear lost in the storm, but also Dante traversing Hell
MY CHILDREN: We hate you
The camera adds 10 pounds. The front facing iPhone camera adds 437 pounds.
Walk into a pawn shop with a ponytail & a handlebar mustache & they treat you like Ray Liotta walking thru that restaurant in Goodfellas
If you love something, set it free…
Except if ‘It’ is a man.
Because he’ll get lost,
and won’t ask for directions.
My kids do not talk to me like I’m their best chance of an organ donation.