@bacon_gillepic

What if archeologists just matched the wrong bones and the t-Rex actually had super long arms

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@dubstep4dads

ZOMBIE 1: why do we eat brains?
ZOMBIE 2: because. It’s food for thought! haha
ZOMBIE 1: [sigh]

@ddsmidt

*Feels the cool breeze caressing my skin*

Cool breeze: I have a girlfriend

@TheAndrewNadeau

[Spelling bee]
JUDGE: Spell “Insubordinate”

ME: *Lips on mic* No.

JUDGE: I don’t… where do we go from here?

@SpencerLenox

A mattress will double in weight after six years, just like everything else I sleep with!

@ThatRascalPuff

Teacher: Any questions

*raises hand*

T: NO DUMB ONES

“Can you see continent names from space”

T: FOR FU-..ugh…Not if it’s cloudy bud

@LMemeit

You never know what you’ll get with kids. For example I just got 18 videos of the inside of my freezer.

@

i’m so old i’m almost back in style