@WetzelGeek

What if Cookie Monster was censored and this whole time he has been talking about boobies instead of cookies?

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@ThoughtOtter

Me at a wine tasting:

*swirls glass*
*sniffs*
*sips slowly*
*stares off into the distance*
…Ah, yes. This is in fact wine.

@TheThryll

CAMPING TIP: If you get lost in the woods, a compass can help you get lost more north.

@iAmDelFreaky

Hey everybody, I just finished the 30 day yoga challenge and it was easier than I expected. In fact, I bet I could go another 30 days without doing yoga.

@hurlarious

Apparently the g-spot is located in a $1700 pair of Christian Louboutins.

@KaysNH

A teacher is always just one loud fart away from losing control of a classroom.

@10InchesPlus

Did Batman know that Alfred was embezzling billions to finance a 4-person Magic act that was a front for robbing banks?

@byjoelanderson

“See, you’ve clearly never had good mashed potatoes. You’ve got to add butter, salt, garlic, $300 of bitcoin, gravy, a crab leg dipped in butter sauce, chives, tickets to a Rams game, and a light sprinkling of parmesan and then you’ll understand how amazing they are.”

@Thynebear

Bruce Willis is never content with how hard he dies.