Is it safe for Ryan Gosling to wink at a girl that’s already pregnant or does it like, poke the baby?
What she said: wanna share some nachos?
What I heard: wanna race to see who can eat the most nachos?
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I’m trying to explain to my mother how to get pictures off her phone, while we’re on the phone, and everything is awful.
♫ Is this the real life?
Are you a manatee?
Let’s beat up french fries
I should lay off the LSD ♫
Maybelline claims to make eyelashes appear three times longer…..I think they should start making condoms.
I work all day in front of a MEDIUM screen, so I can sit all evening looking at a BIG screen while scrolling on a SMALL screen
You can tell a lot about a person by how many pet possums they have.
popcorn, or as cerebral smart minds such as myself refer to it ‘popped corn’, is the number #1 food of watching things
Wearing shades inside makes me look cool, right?
*Trips over the cat*
Age is just a number in the same way that a killer whale is just a fish.
Them: You have a choice-
Me: I’ll take the bad choice, please.