@BuckyIsotope CULT LEADER: join our cult
ME: no thanks
CULT LEADER: we believe Air Bud was a documentary
ME: I’m listening
@SteveSuckington “What should we put in the middle of this mall?”
How bout some chairs?
“That idea sucks”
A little pond to throw money in?
“Oh hell yeah”
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@BuckyIsotope 
@coolandbreezey My guardian angel deserves a raise
@RdrJay47 You all think your dad’s cargo shorts are lame until you need to smuggle some Reese’s Pieces into the movie theater.
@writerPT 5yo: OMG I’M STARVING I NEED TO EAT I’M GONNA DIIIIIEE!!
*eats 3 fries*
5yo: Can I be done?
@Fred_Delicious where do y’all wanna go tonight? Bars? The club?
“THE BOG OF DESPAIR”
Gary, after the forest of skulls debacle you don’t get to pick anymore
@hellohappy_time To hairstylist: [makes series of incomprehensible gestures around my head shape] so exactly that or I’ll cry
@KyleMcDowell86 “Is Phil coming tonight?”
“Phil Smith or Phil that has the eyesight of a bird?”
*suddenly a man runs face first into the sliding glass door*
@TimBarnes451 So all them black Harry Potter wizards just sat there and let slavery happen?
@oneawkwardmom A spider crawled out of the head of broccoli I was washing and that’s what I get for not ordering pizza
@Token_Geezer The loudest noise a child can make from another room is silence