Parenting is panicking when your kids are loud, and panicking when they’re quiet
What sort of drug abuse and debauchery has to occur in someone’s life for them to start liking Charmin Toilet Paper on Facebook?
You Might Also Like
my accountant: look at ur currently monthly budget:
· RENT: $800
· GAS: $200
· CHEEZ-ITS: $2,750
me: ur right, i need a cheaper place.
Fact: Alcohol increases the size of the send button by 89%
Million Dollar Idea ~ A bathroom mirror that takes pictures.
“A mean dog is terrorizing people a few towns over. I am going to drive over there & yell at him from my car.” – Barack Obama
“Ok folks who ordered the macaroni & bees?”
“you mean cheese?”
[waiter struggling to keep bowl covered]
“that does make more sense actually”
When Adam and Eve ate the apple I remember thinking, “Well, that’s a sin, but at least it’s original.”
[boarding plane with really old pilot]
“think his heart will hold out? lol”
attendent: excuse me, sir?
“depart out, what time do we leave?”
Well well well…
Check your privilege