@CandyEmpires

What woman say right before they kill you:

Wow.
Fine.
Whatever.
No problem.
I’m not mad.
Nothing’s wrong.
Sure, stay friends with your ex.

You Might Also Like

@kanwetwitty

Havent picked sides in Gamer gate yet.. which do I like more.. the entire female gender or the thing where I pretend to kill people on Tv..

@Author_jo_jo

Writing without pants on is a simple pleasure.

Shame I can’t go back to Starbucks though.

@thereverendcink

If I ever only have 3 months to live, I want my ex wife to be with me. That would be the longest 3 months of my life.

@Reverend_Scott

Cop: Know why I stopped you?

SUPER DANCE OFF??

Cop: OH YEAH

OH YEAH?

Cop: No, not really. There’s a warrant for your arrest.

oh no

@seamussaid

Son: can I go?
Dad: storm coming, tornado warnings
Son: yeah I know
Dad: wait for your brother to get home, he can continue the bloodline

@byrdie_num_num

Sure I wish I had focused more on my finances, but back then who knew money would catch on.

@GingaSnapppa

What kinda psychopath tries to get in touch with someone by calling them on the phone. What is this…1984?

@Jake_Vig

RIDDLER: What has–

BATMAN: A gazebo

ROBIN: Matches

RIDDLER: Let me finish-

BM: A paperweight

R: Dental floss

RIDDLER: I hate you guys