What’s the name of that movie with that actor in which the guy does that thing with that other thing in that place during that time?
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Naming my daughter “A Relationship” so I don’t have to worry about punks wanting to be in her.
Our 10 year old keeps asking me for his first mobile phone and every time he does I ask him ‘who you gonna call?’ and until he answers me correctly he sure as shit isn’t getting one
Siri, make me pancakes.
You have a Blackberry, Linda. Go home, Linda, you’re drunk.
Me: How are you doing? Is our date starting to feel a bit awkward?
Her: Yeah, a little…
Me: I was talking to my mom!
Mom: No, I’m fine.
You have a better chance of being struck by lightning than going to McDonald’s when the ice cream or shake machine is working
Poor superman.he can’t go commando without the whole world noticing
water it, i dare you
Brilliant!
Gordon Ramsay as an art judge:
*Throwing crayons
This “drawing” isn’t worth the paper it’s printed onBabies crying everywhere